i was on bloggers strike. now i'm back.

all i want for christmas is a personal assistant. please.

I'm on Days of Our Lives tomorrow kids and I'd just like to take a moment to share with you my own True Hollywood Back Story. I play a drug addict. Samy's Daughter at Age 26 is my name. I just happened to have a serious emotional breakdown the night before my first audition and got two hours of sleep and woke up with the biggest dark circles under my eyes... it was perfect. Then for the call back I was having a hard time recreating that sleep deprived, drug induced, strung out feeling I so easily exuded in my first audition that I got the bright idea of putting BenGay under my eyes. I cried the entire audition. They thought I was amazing. The producer asked me where I was trained. I also smelled very strongly of peppermint, but they didn't seem to mind. And that's my Behind the Scene's story on this one. Enjoy.

i know i should get out of my dressing room and schmooze, or network, or at least introduce myself to one of the actors i watched as a kid, but i can't do it. i just booked Days of Our Lives and i'm shooting today and they give you your own little dressing room with these comfortable couches that i just can't seem to remove my ass from. for the first time in weeks my cell isn't ringing cause i'm in the bottom of the NBC studios in bumble-f*#k burbank and there's no cell service or internet, and i'm not due on stage for another four hours, and i'm playing a drug addict, so it's not like i have to spend much time preparing my character or in make up or anything, i'm just pulling from real life experience here (kidding mom, promise!). it's like a vacation from the world. i love it.

Talk about a long dramatic pause. I'm not pregnant. I'm sure you guys were worried.
But I am quitting my day job, which as I now find out, also causes morning sickness, headaches, and unexpected heat flashes.

I've had this job for three years. It's been great to me. It's the best actor/producer side job I could have ever asked for. So why am I giving it up? Cause it's a damn crutch. I can't fully throw myself into acting, producing or running Get Reel LA until I'm out of there. The secretary said it best at a work event after too many gin and tonics, "You're cheating yourself; you better shit or get off the pot." And then she tried to kiss me in the woman's bathroom, but that's entirely beside the point.

Eliminating the sexual harassment suit, she's right. You can't half ass this profession. The competition is too high. You've got to throw yourself head deep into this smoggy pool, take a big fat risk, have a little faith, and see what happens.

So the last direct deposit will be hitting my account on December 31st. By January 1st I'll be employed 100% by Get Reel LA, in all its glory. Can it support me? Not right now. But come January 1st-- sure, why not? By February I'll book that sexy, smart new pilot which will shoot 6 episodes. That will tide me over until April when I'll be on salary from the feature I'm producing, cause that's when I'll jump into the lovely life of freelance producing. And by May I'll need a little vacation, so I'll hop over to Italy for the week where I'll meet George Clooney and we'll fall deeply in love.

Oh god.

You know when you get that really scary feeling in the pit of your stomach that something significant is about to happen to you? Well I've had it for the last week. Something is about to blow up. I can feel it.

Either that or I'm pregnant, and this is morning sickness... but I really don't think so.

killing the hostess with the mostest

I'm tired of being so damn positive and PC on this blog. I'm boring myself, so I can't imagine what I'm doing to my readers. Here I'm thinking I have to be professional cause it's my business blog; and I have to talk about acting related business cause it's an actors service and all. But I just hired and fired someone within two weeks cause all he talked about was acting, and I just spent a week with my Dad at his Fishing Lodge in Alaska and he took his pants off in front of his clients, at the dinner table no less, so my idea of "professional business owner," may be a tad bit skewed.

So to hell with PC.

I recently spoke to the theatre majors at my high school in Anchorage, Alaska and this is the sort of attitude I went in with. Maybe not such a great idea? Maybe I should have softened it up a bit for the wee little Alaskans, with they're innocent eyes and eager hearts. Oh well. Too late now. I wouldn't call myself bitter; I've definitely been around a lot of bitter folks in this industry, and I'm not that. But it's safe to say that I've been a bit, shall we say, hardened by this career. I mean, how can you not? How else do you deal with all the rejection? How else do you deal with your representation telling you you've gained weight while on vacation, or the role of your dreams slipping through your fingers because you're not going to sleep with the producer? Or an agent telling you how he'd love to represent you and that you're so incredibly talented, only thing is, he can't stop staring at your breasts. I mean, you've got to have a strong set of armor in this business, or you're going to end up... well, right back in Anchorage, Alaska. And that's just not a viable option for me.

So one of these little Alaskans told me she was planning on going to college in Oklahoma and asked me if I had heard about they're theatre department. I told her no. I also told her I'd never hear about her either, because if you don't go to school in New York City or Los Angeles the chances of you breaking into the career at the age of 26 when you finally get around to moving and surrounding yourself with working professionals is near to none.

How was I supposed to know the next speaker went to school in Oklahoma?